Do i Have Schizophrenia?

I feel so lost. It wasn't my fault that i lost the battle of Russia. I didn't predict the cold for my army. Living on this island is still hell!! I wish i never made a pact with the devil. i been alive for too long now. My love of my life ped away ages ago...and now my homeland is part of france. They won't believe me if make a return. I feel like an emperor who fell to the rank of a vagabond. Shall i build a raft and leave this exile? Are they going to attempt poisining me again?